


Ghosts That We Knew

by gwendosea



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Braime - Freeform, Brienne’s mourning, Death, Didn’t fix it just made it more sad, F/M, Flashback Fluff, Grab your tissues, I’m sorry if this causes pain, I’m very sorry, Jaime Lannister’s Funeral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 16:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19949323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwendosea/pseuds/gwendosea
Summary: Brienne learns of Jaime’s death and races to King’s Landing to honor him at his funeral.Sorry in advance for ripping your heart out! I cried a lot while writing this fic.





	Ghosts That We Knew

Brienne sighs throwing another log onto the fire after entering her bedchamber. She stares into the flames, her mind completely blank. She removes Oathkeeper and hangs it on a hook by the mantle. She runs her fingers over the lion’s head and down to where the bright red ruby is nestled in the golden plate. The rough and smooth textures of the sword help keep her grounded. She finds herself stroking the hilt of the sword as a mindless escape until her mind jumps back into reality. The pain from Jaime leaving is still fresh; it hurts her each time she places her hand on Oathkeeper. However, the sword still means as much to her as any oath she has ever vowed and she refuses to be without it.

She sits in a chair by the window and glances out into the forest. Her eyes follow the path that Jaime had rode that night. She can almost see his horse galloping, his cloak flying out behind him, through her teary, blurred eyes. She closes the windows and sighs; everything is a reminder of him and she wonders if this hurt will ever go away. She glances back towards the fire and a small trinket underneath the corner of her bed glistens and catches her eye. She walks over and bends down to retrieve the item. She clasps her fingers around a smooth crescent moon sculpted out of dragonglass.

Her mind wanders remembering the day they accidentally broke the bauble.

_In a frenzy of passion she and Jaime stumbled into their bedchamber, a tangle of arms and hands reaching, pulling, and searching unable to get enough of one another. They had slammed the door and the force was hard enough to knock the small sculpture off of the mantle sending it crashing onto the floor. It shattered into pieces and Brienne was heartbroken. Jaime, however, erupted into uncontrollable laughter. Brienne gave him a puzzled look trying to understand his reaction and after his outburst of laughter decreased to light chuckles he looked at her and said,_

_“We’re like a pair of hormonal teenagers. I haven’t felt this wild in years.”_

_Brienne’s mouth crept upward into a smile and soon she was laughing uncontrollably pushing Jaime onto the bed._

How happy she was such a short while ago. Now every moment of the day painfully reminds her of Jaime. He saw her pain, saw her open wounds that would never heal. He saw no fault in her, saw no cracks in her soul, her heart. Yet, he had loved her and left her anyway.

The hope she had for him was crushed the moment he mounted his horse and rode away, rode back to Cersei. How wicked of him to infiltrate her stoic exterior, infiltrate the barrier she worked so hard to build up against people in order to protect herself. She let that guard down and was hurt by the one man she truly believed would never harm her.

Jaime helped her believe that love was attainable and real for her and in the end, he caused her to close herself off to love all over again.

This time the barrier she built is brick and mortar with no cracks; chained and locked; it is closed off forever. He was the final straw and in so many ways he was worse than Ser Hyle or Ser Ronnet or any of the others to treated her cruelly. Jaime gave her a real taste of love and still ended up being like all the rest. Love always caused her too much pain in the end. A pain she has always known and will always know if she opens herself up and allows people in to see her pure soul.

She holds the crescent moon staring into the fire once again losing herself in her thoughts when she hears three short raps on the door.

“Come in.” She gently says. One of Sansa’s maids opens the door.

“Lady Sansa would like to see you in the hall.”

Brienne nods her head and places the dragonglass moon into her pocket. She grabs Oathkeeper off of the hook and buckles it firmly around her hips. She pauses a moment, placing her hand on the hilt of the sword, taking in a deep breath, she sets her shoulders and leaves her room.

* * *

Lady Sansa is sitting at the back of the hall. Brienne walks past the very spot where Jaime knighted her, a pang hits in her heart. She brushes the memory away.

“You requested to see me, Lady Sansa.” As she approaches the table, Brienne makes eye contact with Sansa and can tell something is amiss.

“Ser Brienne, I have asked you here with bad news to deliver, I am afraid.” Sansa looks down at a piece of parchment fumbling it with her fingers and looks back up to Brienne.

There’s a beat of silence that feels like an eternity for Brienne. Her stomach aches and she wants nothing more than to turn around and leave, but her face doesn’t betray her emotions. Deep down she knows the news to come isn’t pleasant. She painfully swallows. Sansa seems to hesitate, her eyes unreadable.

Finally Sansa clears her throat and speaks,

“I regret to inform you that Ser Jaime Lannister was killed after arriving back in King’s Landing.”

The words echo in Brienne’s mind. For a moment she feels faint, her chest tightens and it takes everything within her to keep her resolve. Instead of crumbling like her heart wants her to, she takes in a deep breath. Brienne’s face is strong and shows no emotion, but her voice cracks, “Thank you for telling me, my lady.”

Sansa offers her a sad smile, “Ser Brienne, I am going to grant you leave if you feel the need to make your way to King’s Landing to honor him.”

She stares at Brienne with a knowing look, even if her hard exterior could convince others that she was fine Sansa knew better. The tall knight shakes her head and breaks eye contact, looking down at the ground.

“No, my lady, I made an oath to your mother and I intend to keep it. My place is by your side.”

Lady Sansa stares at Brienne in silence until she looks up at her. Sansa searches her face as Brienne is fighting back tears, “Ser Brienne, I command you to ride to King’s Landing. I am not the only Stark you swore an oath for. Tell yourself you are riding to keep an eye on Arya if it please you, but I command you to make your way to King’s Landing to honor Ser Jaime.”

Brienne breaks eye contact again and closes her eyes breathing slowly, she nods once.

“You are dismissed.” Lady Sansa says and Brienne immediately turns from the room, tears streaming down her face.

* * *

Brienne rides hard for King’s Landing immediately after being granted leave from Sansa. She rides her horse almost to its limits before finding another horse at an inn and continuing on her journey. She dares not stop before making it to Ser Jaime’s funeral. Tyrion had been the one to send a raven to Winterfell before being taken prisoner as traitor. Daenerys granted Tyrion closure for his brother by agreeing to hold a funeral for him and allowing Tyrion to attend.

Brienne arrives in King’s Landing exhausted, but astonished at the state of the city. The destruction is breathtaking. Brienne can still smell the stench of burnt flesh. Ash still freshly falling from the war. Brienne makes her way up the streets, speechless at what has taken place.

Finally, she arrives at the Red Keep, a heavy sadness filling her heart. Ser Davos meets her there and leads her inside. Half of the keep managed to stay standing and it was decided that Jaime would be honored there. Several silent sisters who managed to stay alive through the massacre volunteered to prepare Jaime’s body for burial. The location deepened her wounds considering just underneath where she stands is the place where Jaime died; the place Jaime raced to after leaving her cold and weeping in the courtyard.

The room is full of ash and rubble but otherwise seems untouched besides a gaping hole in one wall. She glances up and sees it, him, in the middle of the room.

Jaime’s body.

As she approaches, she sees that he is clad in his Kingsguard armor and cape with Widow’s Wail strapped to his side. Brienne brings her hand to Oathkeeper and grips it tightly, tears forming in her eyes.

She pauses for a moment, gathering herself before approaching. It takes all of the strength she can muster to step toward his body. The body of the man she loves unconditionally.

The sisters had painted irises of emerald green upon the rocks resting on his closed eyes. The color is as deep and shining as she remembers. Before her eyes flash visions of them in bed, Jaime hovering over her body placing kisses along her neck before lifting his head to stare intently into her eyes.

Ser Davos begins to leave the room to give Brienne time alone but she stops him.

“Ser Davos, who is standing vigil over his body?” Brienne asks blinking back tears, Knights do not cry.

“No one, my lady,” He explains, “there is no one willing to step up to the task. Jaime was not well liked by many.”

Brienne’s face is still but her eyes reveal her emotion, “He was an honorable man whether most care to believe it. I shall stand vigil over him. He deserves to be honored and he deserves a proper burial.” Brienne proclaims.

Her face grows determined but sadness reigns underneath her hard exterior. Ser Davos bows his head before leaving the room, “As you wish, Ser Brienne.”

* * *

The first day standing vigil is like an out-of-body experience for Brienne. She stands there looking at the man she so dearly loves, hating him. She hates him for leaving her. She hates him for not believing in himself. He loathed when people called him Kingslayer, but it was the one title he subconsciously truly believed he deserved, as much as she tried to show him the opposite.

It was a title he allowed to own him because he could not see past it himself.

She had taken it upon herself to show him that she saw his honor; to show him the true man he was and he still couldn’t allow himself to see it. He still rode back to King’s Landing believing the worst in himself. Cersei’s claws were in him too deep, forever pulling him back and if he took a step away they were always penetrating deeper.

* * *

By the second day her anger turns into pure sadness and longing. She longs to feel his lips upon hers again. She longs to feel his embrace once again. He was the one man who truly understood her, saw her for who she was and loved her anyway. He drove her mad but he also made her feel happiness she never thought possible. He gave her the one thing she dreamed of since she was a little girl. He knighted her and unbeknownst to either of them, in that act he gave her the gift of being able to stand vigil over his body. The gods are cruel.

* * *

Days four and five are when exhaustion begins to set in for Brienne and they are both a blur, meshed together, with no beginning and seemingly no end. She only knows the days have changed to night because of the gaping hole in the wall.

She gazes out at the stars imagining Jaime is somewhere amongst them looking down upon her. He died believing he was the worst version of himself when, to Brienne, he was the best version of himself. She saw the good, the honor in him, she saw what no one else could and what Jaime would not allow himself to see or believe.

She hates how much she realizes she needs him to hold her still and to keep her grounded. She hates that she is beginning to forgive him for leaving her and she hates that she needs him as much as she needed him the night he galloped away on his horse, leaving her cold, crying and vulnerable—a vulnerability she never let anyone see except for Jaime. She reaches into her pocket and feels the crescent moon. Her mind wanders to the day Jaime surprised her with the small moon and sun sculpture made of dragonglass.

_He went down to see Gendry one cold, overcast, snowy afternoon and pleaded for Gendry to make this for her. He used left over dragonglass from the massive amount they had excavated to make their weapons out of. Gendry obliged after significant coaxing from Jaime. After their first night together upon surviving the war, he gave it to her._

_They were lying in bed and his eyes lit up, “I have something for you, Lady Brienne.”_

_He leaned over to kiss her before getting out of bed and walking over to open a chest in the corner. He brought back an item wrapped in cloth._

_“I’ll admit, I came back here to Winterfell believing I was a dead man. However, knowing I was going to be fighting in the war under your command, there was a spark of hope in me and I decided to have this made for you. I promised myself that if we survived the war, then it was meant for me to give this to you.” She unwrapped the cloth and there, black and shining, was a small dragonglass sculpture of a crescent moon and sun. With tears in her eyes she looked up at Jaime._

She never knew this feeling of love before and it terrified her. She had never thought she would share a bed with someone she cared for so deeply and have him care enough for her in return.

Coming out of the thought, she looks down upon Jaime’s decaying body. It rips her to pieces to know that someone so alive, loving, and warm is now just a cold, decaying body, lying on a slab. She is determined for everyone to know of the true, honorable man Jaime was, but rarely let anyone see. That determination helps her get through the seven days and upon the morning of the seventh day, the sun rises, and birds fly into the hole in the wall singing a melancholy song.

She imagines they have come to sing one final song for Jaime. Once she is released from her duty, the funeral begins.

* * *

Tyrion is allowed to attend the service, but not many others show up. Daenerys Targaryen certainly has not bothered to show her face, and that angers Brienne. Jaime risked his life to save everyone in all of the Seven Kingdoms, the same Seven Kingdoms she is now protector of. They fought alongside one another against the dead and she still refuses to show her face.

Tyrion stands up in front of the few in attendance and begins to speak about his brother, “I know not many were fond of Jaime, but he made my whole life bearable. When my family were disgusted by me as a child, Jaime was always there ready to play. When Cersei would ridicule me, Jaime would stop her cruelty and coax her out of the room to leave me be, but he always came back to check on me. Jaime was the one person who constantly showed me love, and perhaps, if I had not persuaded him to rescue Cersei and escape, maybe he would be here still, and everything would have happened differently.”

Tyrion steps down from the podium and without a word begins walking out of the room back to his prison cell. The room is eerily quiet as the silent sisters begin preparing the body for burial. Brienne reaches into her pocket, clutches the dragon glass moon, constantly with her, like the void in her life where Jaime used to be.

With tears in her eyes, she immediately turns from the body. She has done her duty, and she feels an overwhelming need to get away from King’s Landing, determined to continue serving for Jaime.

The world was on fire and he saved her; even in death, he saved her.


End file.
